The Time I Confronted My Bully

Growing up, I had a bully who seemed to always be there, ready to tear me down. No matter how hard I tried or how well I did, it seemed like nothing was ever enough. This person would constantly say negative things, telling me that I "sucked at everything," that I couldn’t do anything right. “You’re never going to amount to anything,” they’d say, or “Why even bother trying? You’ll just mess it up.” Each of those words felt like a weight on my chest, slowly eating away at my self-image, planting seeds of doubt that would grow into a cloud of insecurity.

They would pick apart everything I did. “That was dumb,” they’d say after I’d try something new, or “Everyone else is better than you, just face it.” Sometimes, they’d mock my interests or hobbies, saying, “Who cares about that? No one else does.” No matter what I did, it was never right in their eyes. It didn’t matter how much I worked at something; one mistake and their words would come rushing back: “Told you, you’re just not good enough.”

Their words became a loud echo in my mind. I started to believe them. I doubted my abilities, my worth, and my place in the world. I became shy, retreating into myself, avoiding situations where I might be exposed. The thought of putting myself out there—whether in school, with friends, or in any public setting—was terrifying. I kept thinking about the things the bully would say, imagining that everyone else would see me the same way. 

It was easier to hide. Easier to stay in the background where I couldn’t be criticized or judged. Easier to not try, I didn’t want to be vulnerable, to risk feeling that sting again. I built walls around myself, but those walls couldn’t protect me from the damage already done. They kept me locked in a cycle of self-doubt, afraid to step into the light because of the shadow those words cast over me.

Then, one day, I decided to confront the bully. I was done letting those words define me. I stood tall, preparing to face whatever harsh criticisms I had been hearing all these years. As I did, I looked up. The mirror before me reflected my own face staring back.

And there he was. I saw him. The bully. It was me. 

I didn’t realize it at first, but I was the one holding myself to impossible standards. I was the one constantly telling myself I wasn’t good enough, that my efforts didn’t matter, that I’d never amount to anything. In fact, I treated myself with far more cruelty than anyone else ever could. I criticized myself for every little mistake, told myself I wasn’t worthy of success or happiness, and believed I had to be perfect in every way to be accepted.

When we face struggles or make mistakes, it's so easy to become our own harshest critic. We internalize those negative thoughts, and before we know it, they become our reality. I would never say to anyone else the things I said to myself. If I saw someone else struggling, I’d encourage them, tell them it was okay to make mistakes, to learn and grow. But when it came to myself, I didn’t show the same grace. I held myself to a standard I would never impose on another person, and I tore myself down every time I fell short.

I’ve come to realize that I’m not alone in this. How many of us can relate to those voices in our heads, the ones that sound so much like a bully? We tell ourselves we’re not good enough, that we’ll never measure up, that we’re failures. We magnify our flaws and forget our strengths. When we make a mistake, it feels like we’ve ruined everything. We treat ourselves with the same harshness that we would never dream of applying to someone else. How many times have you looked in the mirror and thought, “I’m not enough,” or “I’ll never get it right”? These thoughts don’t just stay in our heads—they eat away at our confidence, our joy, and our peace.

The truth is, this kind of self-criticism is common, but it doesn’t have to define us. We don’t have to be the bullies in our own lives. Recognizing the harshness with which we treat ourselves is the first step toward breaking free from it. And once we start to show ourselves the same grace and compassion we offer to others, we begin to heal.

Stand up to that bully in your mind. Stop letting those negative voices dictate your worth. Start believing that you are capable, you are enough, and you are created in the image of God, with so much potential waiting to be unlocked. You don’t have to be perfect—you just have to be willing to try, to grow, and to show yourself the kindness you deserve. You are worthy of love, of success, and of the peace that comes from embracing who you truly are.